courtneypray

i wish he knew how he affected everyone everytime he plays

he amazing.

wayyyy amazing.  if you honestly let me i would be so in love with you.

<333 OMFG

i’ve never realized how much your life can change with one persons choice.

i’m so fucking grateful for anthony honeslty i felt like shit the whole time when we were apart.

that kid is such an amazing person and i would honestly do anything to make up what i did.

i love him so much. not just in a relationship way. but also in a YOUR ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING PEOPLE I’VE EVER MET WAY. he’s a really good guy and i am so glad that i can call him mine.

i am so glad he forgave me.  I really miss angie alot but i am glad she is out enjoying her life. shes so fucking amazing.and iam looking for a new job.

i’m kind of scared though because i know i’ll never see anthony but honestly i wouldn’t mind if it was even once a week we have to do what needs to be one. but as long as i do see him for give minunts that day on that lonley week i’ll feel like the happest person in the world.

Ill add more later.

dear angie pray,

i love you.

i miss you.

you are life.

your presents is better then a hit of dmt.

i love you.

come home.

stay there.

let me vist.

I’m glad your happy.

<33

CPRAY

“The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot”

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you want. I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad, we’ll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I’ll grow old and start acting my age. I’ll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that’s harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it’s missed when it’s gone. Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not. I’m glad that you can forgive. I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget. If it makes you less sad, I’ll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself. I’ll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad, I’ll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. It’s cold as a tomb, and it’s dark in your room, when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not. I’m glad that you can forgive.
I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget… You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. Standing trial for your sins. Holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain. You are the blood in my veins. Call me a safe bet. I’m betting I’m not. I’m glad that you can forgive. I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget.

9/20 your the only dreams i have

your the first thing i think about in the morning

and the last thing i think about at night

he’s my worst mistake

this is my biggest regrate

i miss you & i am sorry

I never though it would turn out like this

it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Now its to late and everytime i find the words to say i start to freeze

I broke my own heart and now i only have the ability to cry

i wanna run from all of this i am so scared.

i am scared of you

i am scared of them

i am scared of us

i am scared of him.

this is from 9/19 (please don't tell me you don't miss because i think about u everyday)

Dear Anthony Trotta,

I doubt that you care and I hope that you hate me as much as I hate my self. I am truly sorry and i have never in a million years wanted this to happen. God, i feel like and idiot. I guess you can’t feel something that you already are. I have been crying nonstop for the last two days. I never though it would hurt this bad. And i’m sorry. I hope this doesn’t bother as much as it does me. It really hurts to tell people why i am upset or crying not just because what i i have done but the outcome of my stupid druken decisions. I am sure it hurts just as bad to find out that your sleezy ass girl friend fucked your best friend. Mind you this may have been the biggest mistake of my life.  I haven’t ever cheated on someone before. I don’t do this shit EVER.  I also will not use the excuse of me being drunk. Because no matter how drunk I was I obviously at some point realized what I was doing and I DID stop. I looked up at him and asked if this bothers him as much as it does me, I got up and walked out. And, anthony I have never regretted something this much I feel so fucking stupid. I spent the rest of that night crying and trying to figure out how I could tell you.  I was hoping I would be able to tell you. Not julian and not over the phone. (ring ring oh hi i fucked your girlfriend.) I really don’t blame jewels though I shouldn’t have invited him over in the first place. I shouldn’t have kissed him back. I shouldn’t have even though about him when i had such an amazing boyfriend.  But i can not let this happen again, as i am not drinking nor am i a doing drugs or hanging out with boys like julian anymore. I do not ever want to impair my self to the that i wold do something so retarded that i lose the most important part of my self.  I am so sorry anthony, i really am. But at the same time i really don’t want you to forgive me. I do not want you to take me back and i do not want you to forgive me. I want you to hate me and block me out of your life. I also want you and julian to stay friends. You guys are so great together I don’t want you guys to lose each other over some stupid ass girl. So there for anthony you can put the blame on me. You don’t have to talk to me i won’t call you i won’t text you anymore. If you feel the need i’ll be here waiting and i will always care. I am so sorry this happened.

Sincerely,

Court

I love you.

Super Fudgy (& Light!) Brownies

noraleah:

These are the brownies my friends request again and again: astonishingly moist, and with just 3 tablespoons of butter and reduced sugar, they are (relatively) low in fat and calories. (One two-inch square brownies packs 145 calories and 6 grams of fat).

I’m not saying they’ll change your life, but they might.

• ½ cup alkalized (Dutch-processed) cocoa powder – best unsweetened
• 1 cup flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• ½ tsp salt
• 3 tbsp unsalted butter, melted
• 1 cup sugar
• ½ c dark brown sugar
• 1 egg plus 1 egg white, whisked
• ½ cup unsweetened applesauce
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 1 9-inch square pan, sprayed with cooking spray or greased with butter or oil and lined with parchment (the grease helps the parchment to stick to the pan)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and place a rack in center of oven.
2. Sift together  cocoa, flour, baking powder, salt in a bowl.
3. In a medium mixing bowl, beat butter & white sugar with rubber spatula or electric mixer.  One at a time, beat in brown sugar, egg whites, applesauce & vanilla, beating until smooth after each addition.
4. Stir in dry ingredients and mix until smooth.
5. Scrape batter into pan & bake 30 minutes, or until toothpick emerges with moist crumbs.  Do not over-bake — the brownies should be very moist.  Cool in pan on a rack about 5 minutes, then invert to a rack & peel off paper.  Invert again & cool completely before slicing.

9/15

i abosolutly hate today, i do not like teachers right now. I don’t like annoying kids. I don’t like being blamed for everything.  Not everything but i feel as if i have.

I am working in the office and all i really want is to be with my boyfriend and to play some music. I am on this rampage of purevolume all i wanna do is download and find new bands. Oh btw i’ve feel in love with nick from a rocket to the moon again.  Its serious this time. i Love his new song dakota. It’s amazing.  It’s playing over and over and over again in my head.

Ang is leaving on thursday and i know i’ll be super depressed because i barily see my boyfriend and now my bed friend is leaving for a period of months. I am not sure  what i do but at times i feel she’s my secerety blanket.  i am going to miss her so much its going to be increadible.  i think i will take wenesday and thursday off of school to spend sometime with her. maybe take some mushhhieeess or something. Haven’t decided yet.

Oh i also did extacy the other night for the first time in years it was so funny i was really fucking confused the whole time.  i would say yes i had fun but no i wouldn’t really choose to do it agian.

other then that i’m done with school right now i am read and really wanna go home. I’m tired of this place and school just started.

ughh..